Riddle 7231
by loves-emo-guys-with-hair
Summary: Jonathan Crane has been released from Arkham Asylum by his "wife" Pamela and his best friend Edward. They have orders from their employer to use Crane for an upcoming scheme that is on a need to know basis. However, though the information is limited, his reward is plentiful: he can continue his work and also work at Gotham University as a professor Post TDKR humor via Riddler
1. The Wife and the Informant

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the DC Universe. This is simply a fan-made story that came to mind at one in the morning

Time Period: I'm kind of leaning towards after TDKR with a few revisions to suit my fancy

Summary: Jonathan Crane has been released from Arkham Asylum. However it's not by sanity. It's by his "wife" Pamela and his best friend Edward. They have orders from their employers to use Crane for an upcoming scheme that is on a need to know basis. However, though the information is limited, his reward is plentiful: he can continue his work and also work at Gotham University as a professor, despite his last experience as a teacher. Post TDKR. Relationship of convenience not of love/lust/attraction, so don't expect a pamelaXjonathan pairing. It's purely professional

Author note: Before anyone asks; I'm basing J. Crane after Cillian Murphy's role, and I'm imagining E. Nashton being David Tennant. Might not make much sense to you, but it works for me. No one in mind for P. Isley, still debating in my head.

* * *

_What plant becomes the name of a star by removing the first letter, becomes a number without the last letter and becomes a bird if the first and last letters are taken away?_

_―Riddle 7231_

Jonathan Crane was mildly irritated. However, contrary to what the guard would think, it is not because he is in Arkham Asylum. It wasn't because he was once again foiled by Batman, nor was it because his research has once again been abruptly stopped and his gas has been disposed of. No, it was much simpler than that.

There was a stain on his cell wall.

It's not much of a stain, about the size of a hotdog bun; smeared and off in a dark corner. It really isn't that noticeable.

But it's still there. And the guard refuses to do anything about it.

"Crane, a mark on the wall ain't gonna hurt you or anybody else. Get over it and read your little book. It's probably from the last guy who lived in here."

His irritation transformed into disgust. That just made it so much worse. Not only is it a stain, Crane observed. It's a urine stain. Someone blemished his wall with their bodily fluids and no one was going to do a thing about it.

"Why don't you piss over it? That way it's your wall again." Blue eyes narrowed, Crane's face sneering at the thought.

"Yes…I'd imagine marking territory like a common dog would make the most sense to you, wouldn't it Michael?" The guard shrugged.

"It's basic instinct Doc." Crane's eye gave away to an involuntary twitch at the informal use of his title. "You should know more than any of us that we all fall back to that animal drive. It's just nature." After a thought, he added. "But if you don't want to be a common dog, you can be a little fancy pedigree one. You could be one of those Italian greyhounds. Little, skittish, and a little awkward to look at…yeah, I'd imagine you'd make a fine little skinny dog." Crane stared at Michael.

"…Did you just compare me to a scrawny long-legged rat that's tail is always between its legs?" The guard grinned at the image.

"Yep…they shake a lot too. Looks like they always gotta take a piss and are too afraid to go." The inmate stood, moving to the other side of the cell, having decided that the conversation was pointless and a waste of his time. "Aww, did I hurt your feelings Doc? You want me to piss over it for you?" Before Michael could act, another Arkham employee arrived.

"Crane? You're free to go." The former psychologist raised a brow at the statement.

"Free to go? Arkham doesn't release their patients; especially ones that haven't responded to treatment." The staff member shrugged.

"Yeah, but we've also never had some argue that the asylum was unnecessary and paid the fines for a patient to be removed."

"Someone paid for me to be released?" The man stood in the cell for a moment, before leaning against the bed. "If it's some aspiring author or a crazed fan I'd prefer to stay here. Or at least…" Glancing at the stain, "into a cleaner cell." The guard shook his head.

"Nope, none of those, but you'd probably prefer those; I'd think the real reason is scarier to you."

"Oh?"

"Your wife paid the fines. And boy she looks pissed that you're in here."

* * *

The guard escorted Crane to the conference room.

"Why didn't you tell us you were married? I mean, at first we thought it was some crazy fan trying to get you out. But she has all the paperwork, wedding certificate, pictures from the honeymoon, even some mail with your names on it! How come you never talk about her?" The former psychologist shrugged, staying vague with his responses. He saw no point in trying to argue with the recent events. Worst case scenario, the woman was a fan and after distracting her, he'll get away and hide underground for a while.

"Never saw reason to bring her up." They arrived to the door and walked in. Inside, an average sized woman in a deep blue blouse, black skirt, and a white laboratory coat sat at the table, conversing with Aaron Cash. The two looked up and stood when Crane and the guard came into the room. "Hello dear." The woman glared at her 'husband.'

"Oh, am I dear now? I should have let you stay in this place for a while. Maybe then you'd learn your lesson. I thought you were through being Scarecrow?" She stared at him for a moment, before turning to the guard. "Hello, I'm Dr. Pamela Crane, biochemist at Gotham University and Labs." The guard shook her hand, and then gestured to Crane.

"Well here's your husband ma'am. Are you sure you want to remove him from Arkham?" The woman nodded, pushing her dark brown hair from her face.

"Yes. Clearly he's not being responsive to any treatment. He was fine while we were on the honeymoon. I'm imagining he had a trigger when we returned last week. However now I know what to look out for and he should be just fine." Pamela turned to Cash. "May I also get possession of his mask? Not meaning to sound rude, but Arkham hasn't shown any promise of keeping it out of his possession. And also any other belongings that you may have of his that you retrieved when he was arrested?" Cash nodded.

"Yes ma'am, we'll go ahead and grab that out of our armory. If you two just wait a moment or two, we'll be right back." The Cranes nodded, sitting down, allowing the Arkham staff member to leave to retrieve the items. Pamela glanced at her 'husband.'

"I'll be brief while they're gone. My employer has found your work interesting and wants to know if you mind providing a couple of services for him. The pay will be exceptional, you will be able to leave Arkham, continue your research, and return back to your former position in the world. Are you interested?" Crane considered the offer.

"And what is your purpose of this agreement?"

"I'm not to tell you all of the details at the moment. But I can say that I'm to help you with leaving the asylum and with building up your reputation. I will also maintain your alibi for any repercussions that might come along." Crane thought for a moment, before nodding.

"I will accept the terms for the moment. I will give my full cooperation once I'm informed all of the details." Pamela smiled, holding out her hand, a silver diamond ring glistening in the light.

"Then shall we prepare to leave? I will give you the information regarding our marriage and tell you about our informant in the car on the way to the house."

"The house?"

"Well yes, though I guess it would be more of a condominium than a house. Don't worry; all of your belongings have already been transferred over. It should be to your liking."

"That sounds acceptable."

"What is acceptable?" Cash and the guard walked in, carrying a briefcase. Pamela smiled at the two men.

"I was warning him that I was attempting a new recipe that an old coworker had shared with me for dinner. I figured I ought to give him a warning that he was going to be my culinary guinea pig for the evening." Cash smiled.

"Yeah, I remember when my wife did that to me. Best advice is to go exactly by the recipe and keep a cabinet full of medicine for any mistakes." Pamela giggled, while taking the briefcase from the guard.

"I'll keep that in mind. What are the items in the briefcase?"

"His mask, watch, clothes although I believe the shirt is a little stained; and his books from his cell." The woman beamed.

"That sounds like we have everything. Thank you for everything." The group began to walk to the exit. "Is he required to check in for reviews with anyone?"

"No ma'am. As long as he doesn't break any laws he's free to your custody. He isn't allowed a passport or a driver's license at the time. He'll be allowed to drive in about three or so months, depending on his behavior. Passport will be returned in two years unless deemed by the judge and the commissioner."

"That sounds fair, doesn't it love?" Crane nodded.

"Yes dear; however, I was wondering if I will be allowed to pursue a working job now that I have been released?" Cash shrugged.

"That I'm not sure of. Commissioner Gordon will stop by tomorrow to check on how you're doing. He'd probably be able to tell you about all that; though I doubt that you'd get your job back at Arkham." Crane nodded.

"Agreed. Not that I'd want it back. I don't think I have an interest to see the inside of the asylum for anytime soon." They by now have arrived to the gate, where a car was waiting. Cash shook the two's hands.

"It was nice to meet you Mrs. Crane; I hope everything goes well for you two. Crane, I hope this is the last time I'll have to see you on these grounds again. I'll be sure to tell Michael about your wife; he'll probably be upset that you never told him that you are married. And also that he won't get to tease you about your habits anymore." Crane raised his brow.

"Well if he gets beside himself, you can always by him an Italian greyhound. He has declared a likeness between one and myself. I'd imagine that would keep him plenty entertained." With that being said, the couple got into the car and left the grounds. As the asylum disappeared in the rearview mirror and the car got onto the highway, Crane leaned back on to the seat and looked at his 'wife.' "What are you allowed to tell me?" Pamela glanced at him, before looking back at the road.

"You are to continue working as a psychologist. Our employer is pulling some strings to have you hired as a professor at the university. As of the moment that's all I can explain. However our informant is waiting at home and he will be able to give a much better explanation for your instructions." Crane nodded.

"And what of the informant?" Pamela gave a wiry grin.

"Well as a cover, he was your best man for the wedding. He also teaches Sociology at the university that you will be teaching at. That way if anything changes or you'll be able to be informed almost immediately."

"And where will you be?"

"I'm usually in the university's horticulture wing, in the greenhouse lab. If not then I'm at the marketplace for supplies."

"Always?" Green eyes met blue.

"There isn't time to waste. My assignment is not to fool around for my own entertainment; it is to get information for our employer and to assist you."

"I understand. It's refreshing to at least be married to a woman who has her priorities straight." Pamela rolled her eyes.

"Glad to hear you say that, which brings me to another point. Your priorities; at no time should you be arrested, we will let you know when that needs to happen."

"There's a time which I am required to be arrested?"

"Yes, but there isn't a need to be worried about it. If plans stay in order you'll be released before you even have the chance to go inside the first holding cell." Crane nodded. The two were silent for the rest of the drive.

* * *

The car pulled into the condominium's drive way. The structure was by Gotham Lake, about ten miles away from the rest of the apartments and city life. Only one other building was close by, a house that was further down the water, a person on a jet ski pulling into the house's water garage.

"Are you coming Crane?" The former inmate blinked, turning to find the woman standing in the condo's doorway. "The entire building is ours, so you will not have to run into anyone that would be a nuisance." She paused, before adding, "Well, Eddie is very much a nuisance, however you'll still have to deal with him."

"Eddie?" Pamela nodded.

"The man that was on the water. He is our informant. He'll probably be here shortly. Why don't I show you around until he arrives?" The tour was quick and efficient. She revealed the locations for the bedroom, their studies, the library, kitchen, utility closet, the spare bedroom, dining room, and the bathroom. Crane noted that each room had at least three plants, giving a slightly homey and welcoming feeling. They stopped at the living room, which had one wall made of windows, showing the stairs that led to the rooftop pool. "Was there any questions about the accommodations?"

"Just one, are we expected to share the bedroom?" Pamela looked mildly irritated.

"Sharing a king sized bed and a spacious bathroom should be manageable for you, Crane. We don't know if the Batman will be stopping by to make sure that you're acting accordingly. Because of that, we do have to keep the appearance of married life. But if you'd like, you are more than welcome to spend the first couple of nights on the couch."

"No…that will not be necessary. I imagine my first couple of nights will be in my study. Thank you for arranging all of my things in there, it looks appropriately organized." Green eyes remained firm as she gave a quick nod.

"You're welcome."

_**Knock knock rap rap rap rap rap rap rap rap rap rap rap**_

Pamela sighed.

"It sounds like Eddie is here, shall we?" Crane nodded and followed her downstairs into the entrance way. At the door, a tall, thin man with messy brown hair and expressive eyes stood, examining Crane before breaking into a dazzling smile.

"Johnny Boy! How are you, I hope everything was smooth on getting out of the loony bin. Pam, I'm assuming everything was in order?" Pamela rolled her eyes, moving out of the way as the man bounded the house.

"Yes Eddie, everything was fine." The words were lost as the man had already flown up the stairs and was rummaging through the kitchen cabinets. "I'm assuming you're looking for the bananas?"

"Yep, where did you put them?"

"Above the refrigerator." Seeing the fruit, he began peeling while making a beeline for the couch. Plopping down, he took a big bite and grinned at Crane, who looked both irritated and uncomfortable at the sight of someone using his home. Pamela sat on the other couch, motioning for the psychologist to sit beside her. "Crane, this is Edward Nashton. He is our informant for our employer and he will be briefing you regarding our instructions." Crane nodded, extending his hand to shake with the other man.

"Hello Nashton." Eddie looked appalled.

"No! Our cover is both best friends and coworkers. There is a strict policy against friends addressing each other by last names. You can call me either Ed or Eddie. Just like I will refer to you as Johnny or John-John."

"You may call me Jonathan."

"But there isn't any friendship in that!"

"You will call me Jonathan and I will call you Edward." Eddie frowned and looked at the woman.

"Pam! Tell him to give me a nickname!" Pamela smiled.

"You should be happy he is calling you by your first name. According to the research we received from his former jobs and schools, he usually calls them by their surname." Eddie frowned.

"Then at least call me Eddie. It sounds appropriate for the level of friendship and familiarity that we have to maintain and it is also what your wife calls me." Crane considered it before nodding.

"I will accept that. However I maintain on my stance of being called Jonathan. I strongly dislike the other forms of my name."

"Then what will your wife call you? You need a nickname for her that isn't the usual 'sweetie' 'dear' and 'love'." Crane was silent for a moment, before turning to Pamela.

"What is your middle name?" She blinked.

"Lillian."

"Then I'll call you Lily. Or if the situation requires me to be particularly affection, 'my lily flower.' Does that sound acceptable to you?"

"Yes. I'll think of a name for you later."

"Please, just call me Jonathan." Pamela gave a cheeky grin, clearly enjoying the man's growing irritation.

"I'll consider it. Now Eddie, did the boss fix the issue with Gotham University?" Eddie blinked, before leaning back on the couch, taking another bite of his snack.

"It's about fixed; they're just dealing with a couple of legal matters. Apparently," The man glanced at Crane, "attempting to prove a point by shooting a gun in a classroom full of students is a big negative with the majority of the university council." Crane shrugged.

"We were going over behaviorism and how it affects the flight or fight stimulants. I simply included a stimulant that they would all recognize."

"Regardless of that; it should take about a week for the boss to get everyone on the same page. That's all you need to work on at the moment. It's been decided that you'll get the information as you progress. That way if something happens and we are compromised, you will be in less trouble. But now, look what I brought!" The man pulled out a few DVDs from his pocket. Crane looked at him, apprehensively curious.

"I'm hoping those are not an attempt in bonding." Nashton chuckled.

"Nope; these are your cover." He handed them over to the psychologist, who turned them over and read the titles. Proposal, dress rehearsal, bachelor party (don't let Pam see), wedding, reception, leaving for honeymoon, and pictures. "This is the history behind you and Pam's relationship. The first six are videos; the last one is various pictures from before your engagement to pictures from your honeymoon."

"How am I in the videos if I have never seen Pamela before today?" Eddie snorted.

"You're honestly asking? I'm a technologic genius. All I needed was a couple of videos of you, which I easily got from your court videos and graduations. After that it's all green-screen magic. And before you ask, yes, its Batman proof. If not then you would have never been allowed to leave Arkham." Crane nodded.

"What else do I need to know?"

"Nothing else at the moment. Just study those videos; until you can go out in public with Pam and look like a believable husband, you're required to stay here." The man gestured around the house. "Clearly it's significantly better than the asylum; however you do need to stay focused. Something that I believe you'll do fine in maintaining?"

"Of course." Eddie nodded once, before standing.

"Then it is time for me to take my leave. Work on those videos and then, when you think you're ready, go out and take Pam on a date. Make sure its public and that you're noticed. I want to hear people talk about you two." It was silent for a moment from the change in mood, before the man grinned. "Alright then, thanks for the banana Pam, it was great. See you around Jonathan." The woman smiled, and followed him down the stairs to let him out. When she came back in, Crane was crouched in front of the television stand, putting the first disc in.

"Have you already seen these?" She nodded.

"I had to act out my half. It made sense for it to have some realistic components to it."

"True." The two were silent, as Crane looked around for the remote and Pamela watched the water from the window. A few moments passed until the man found the device and sat down. "Would you like to watch this with me?" She considered it.

"As tempting as it is, I probably should go water and care for the plants. As I'm sure you noticed the house is filled with them. Perhaps after I'm done I'll join you." Crane nodded, before turning to the screen, allowing the woman to walk away to preform her usual duties. A few hours passed before she came back down from her chores to join her husband in watching their false memories.

* * *

Eh, not sure where this is going. Literally just posted my first draft. However it's been in my brain for a couple of days and figured, what the hell? Might as well post it and see how it does. If you haven't picked up:

Jonathan Crane: Scarecrow

Edward Nashton: The Riddler

Pamela L. Isley-Crane: Poison Ivy

Before you ask, yes, I'm aware that Poison Ivy is a red head, however I wanted to go into a different approach. Her hair will be _Auburn _with noticeable red strands in the sunlight. See it like this: she's a brunette who when in the light, she photosynthesizes, which in turn slightly alters her hair color.

Also, ***spoilers for TDKR*** yes, I'm aware that according to Nolanverse, Batman left Gotham with Selina. However I'm disregarding that fact (hence the revisions in my Time Period disclaimer) because simply put, I have a difficulty imagining Batman, the man who is determined to change Gotham without killing and willing to pay his life for it, will leave for a woman. I don't care how much he "likes" her, the only person I can imagine Bruce Wayne is someone who he has known for a_ significant_ amount of time and got to know as a friend before as a relationship. Why? Simply because Bruce Wayne is emotionally constipated who has emotional walls more forticated than most government agencies. So Selina Kyle? No. Perhaps Rachel Dawes in the Nolanverse. But she's dead. So no. She's now with batshit crazy Harvey Dent lol

Any who, let me know what you think. As always anonymous, constructive criticism, and flames are welcomed and embraced.

loves-emo-guys-with-hair


	2. Perverse Flying Rodents

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the DC Universe. This is only the product of me being unable to sleep from too many random thoughts flying around in my mind.

Mind you; this is rated T, so there will be PG-13 and higher languages, innuendos, situations, and humor in this story; I'm not much of a sexual graphic writer, but I do have a very dirty and dark sense of humor sometimes, and it will show from time to time.

Also, yes, I realize its spelled Harley Quinn, but this is just Riddler talking about her in the passing…he's not really putting too much into her; no, it's not a Harley-bashing

* * *

_What plant becomes the name of a star by removing the first letter, becomes a number without the last letter and becomes a bird if the first and last letters are taken away?_

_-Riddle 7231_

When Crane woke up in the morning, it was to the sound of an alarm clock going off from another room. Blue eyes glanced wearily at the numbers glowing on the clock above his desk. Five thirty.

Eventually, a crash and a thud brought the alarm to an end; however, by that point it had already done its damage. The man stood, stretching, wincing when his back made several audible cracks and pops. Crane absently scratched the back of his neck as he stumbled to the bedroom, where a hazy-eyed Pamela was slinking off to the bathroom, change of clothes in her hand to prepare herself for the day. The newlyweds gave halfhearted nods towards one another before the bathroom door shut with a snap and Crane fell into the bed, face not leaving the pillow as his long arms searched to drag a sheet over his head.

It had been a week since Jonathan had been released from Arkham; and they were finally starting to adjust to their new routine. They would wake up at half to six; while Pamela got ready for work, Jonathan would either crawl into the bed from sleeping at his desk or from sleeping on the couch. At seven Pamela would make breakfast and coffee that would successfully wake the psychologist and they could eat in moderate silence, speaking only to ask about the other's agenda for the day. She would leave at seven thirty when Eddie came to pick her up for work at the University; leaving Crane to clean up the kitchen and begin working on his lesson plan for his future job. The day would be uneventful, with maybe a few phone calls from Nashton to harass his friend in hopes to convince him to go out to the bar with him in the evening, a phone call from Pamela for a small chat; and maybe a phone call from either Aaron Cash or Commissioner Gordon to check on the former inmate.

Eventually six o'clock would come around and Crane would begin making dinner and it would be ready by seven, when Pamela would arrive home, sometimes with Nashton in tow. The group would eat, while talking about their days, with maybe a couple interesting stories from the two professors about a few silly students who would either try to beat Nashton in a debate or a persistent coworker who tried to seduce an uninterested Pamela. After dinner, Crane and Eddie would move to the living room for more discussion while Pamela cleaned up the kitchen and then went to tend to her plants. Around nine, Eddie would leave to retire for the evening, leaving the newlyweds alone to read in the living room; both sharing the couch, where Crane sat, slouching slightly, which allowed Pam to lean against him, book in hand, lightly twirling her hair around her fingers as she read. This continued until ten, which would be the time where Pamela would start getting ready for bed while Crane would watch the late night news.

Of course, they all ignored the alerts that were sent to their phones when the alarm system that was set around the perimeter of the building went off. Their cameras caught the Batman when he did routine checks on Crane and also caught the new hero, Nightwing, when he did his rounds in the evening. Jonathan chuckled to himself the first couple of times when he received the phone messages; it seemed the Batman was trying to catch Crane at sporadic parts of the day, never coming at the same part of the day or the same amount of times. Pamela and Nashton were also amused, especially when it turned out that the Batman had also taken to checking them out while they were at their jobs.

"You know…" Eddied began, after the caped crusader finally left, from watching their entire dinner. "Next time he comes during the night, you two should start having sex." The two Cranes glanced at their strange friend for a moment before rolling their eyes. Pamela snorted into her tea.

"And why would we do that?"

"To see if the flying rat is also a pervert….if he stays and watches we'll know for sure; if he leaves then he's just a prude. You guys are supposed to be newlyweds; act like it."

"I'm not interested in Pamela like that Nashton." Crane said, not looking up from his book. "Nor do I have in the interest in participating in any form of exhibitionism and providing to the Batman's interest in voyeurism." The expressive man gaped at the other man.

"How can you not be interested in Pam like that? Even I want to get with her and I know she'll probably shove a banana up my ass!" Both Cranes winced at the mental image. "Plus anyways, you know that the Batman is probably wondering why he hasn't caught you two yet! You two are probably the most boring newlyweds on the earth!" Pamela sighed, getting up to grab a drink from the kitchen.

"You just want to be a guy and get your friend laid Eddie." The man smiled.

"Well…it's an added bonus." Crane looked at him for a moment.

"For being a high up informant, you are certainly unprofessional." Eddie smiled.

"Yeah, but it's my job to make you two as realistic as possible. So if that means Batman has to be called a Tommy boy, then so be it." The man leaned over to speak in a lower voice. "You don't have to sleep with her. Look, I've heard from this new chick, some crazy Joker fan, calls herself Harlequin or something, that when she breaks into a jewelry store and stuff, she usually jumps on the closest guy she sees…Batman doesn't even look at her. And she doesn't even go all the way…too afraid that Joker wouldn't like it." Crane frowned.

"So you want me to fake coitus on the basis of some girl who has coulrophilia?" Nashton blinked.

"Well if you want to be technical, a masochistic coulrophilia with probably a strong self-esteem problem and a daddy issue." The psychologist stood at that and began walking to the kitchen.

"Pamela, would you mind pouring me some wine? I'm going to need alcohol if I have to continue this conversation with Nashton." The woman gestured to an already poured glass, holding her own half empty one in her hand.

"I'm not participating and I still need a drink." Nashton waved his hands.

"But you two can at least admit that I am right! Newlyweds are supposed to be all over each other, affectionate, and overall vomit-inducing. You two act like you're professional roommates. I bet you two haven't even slept with each other yet." With the glares that he was receiving, he added, "Like actual sleep. Not of the reproducing kind of sleep." After a moment of silence, the tall man was appalled. "Well no shit he's still flying around here like the rodent he is! You two need to act like you're married!" He turned to Pamela. "If you don't start doing your job like you're supposed to I'm going to have to talk to the boss. You're not following orders and you know how he'll be." Pamela scowled.

"Fine Edward; it's late. It's time for you to return home. I'll deal with it." The two stood up and went downstairs, leaving Crane, who was determined to drink the conversation out of his brain. A few moments passed before Pamela came back upstairs; she paused, taking in the sight of the drinking man. "You do realize that drinking will do nothing, right?" The man scowled at her.

"Of course I know that. However I'd prefer not to remember all of the details to that conversation right now." The woman shrugged.

"If you say so; though I have to admit, this is probably a first for me. It's a bit humbling." A glance gave her permission to continue. "I've never had someone try to drink themselves unconscious in order to not give the impression of getting with me." Blue eyes considered the woman in front of him. She was an attractive woman; full lips, intelligent eyes, long hair that was between her shoulders and mid-back, full figured, not too skinny like how most women believe that they should be, and a slight southern accent. She stood a moment, allowing him to observe her, before she smiled, walking towards the bedroom. "You don't have to attempt to save my pride V, I know you're not interested." The man raised a brow.

"V?" The woman looked over her shoulder.

"The symbol for bird."

"Ah…"

"And V?"

"Hmm?"

"Don't keep me waiting tonight." With a wink, Pamela closed the bedroom door with a snap, leaving a floundering Crane. After a moment, he chuckled.

"She's enjoying this a little too much." He leaned back, with his glass of wine in hand and the remote in the other, turning on the evening news. Once eleven came, he stretched and headed to the bedroom, where his auburn-haired wife was fast asleep, curled up on her side. He changed into the pajamas that Pam had bought for him when he arrived, a simple shirt and plaid pants, and got on his side of the bed. After adjusting to the bed having another occupant, Crane turned onto his side, facing opposite of Pamela, and fell asleep.

_**Two in the morning**_

Both Crane's phones vibrated on the side table; Jonathan stirred, flipping to his other side to reach for the offending mechanical device, however Pamela just slapped the silence on both items, before scooting over to burrow into her husband's chest. Crane stiffened, not enjoying his personal space being invaded.

"Batman's here…calm down and go back to sleep." Pam murmured, before drifting off. The man laid there a moment, debating if he wanted to continue the charade or not, before deciding that he was simply too tired to do anything and promptly fell back into slumber.

* * *

Yeah, didn't really know what was going on with this chapter, I guess I'm trying to get the idea of Crane being in a faux-relationship in my brain. But once again, this is just my first draft, just kind of free-writing.

No, this still isn't an actual craneXpamela story; but yes, they can be flirty, that just means it'll be easier for them to go out in public…eventually

But anywho, all types of reviews are welcome (anonymous, listed, flames, constructive criticism, requests, questions, statements, etc.)

Thank you

Loves-emo-guys-with-hair


	3. It's Bruce Wayne Child

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the Batman's universe. This is only the product of me super-stressing

FYI: Discussions of sexuality in this chapter. But hey, it is rated T and I am warning you. If you're uncomfortable, sorry, but I'm trying to touch all my bases with these characters

_What plant becomes the name of a star by removing the first letter, becomes a number without the last letter and becomes a bird if the first and last letters are taken away?_

_-Riddle 7231_

* * *

**Tap tap tap tap rap rap rap knock knock knock knock bang bang bang bang bang bang**

Pamela groaned, burrowing further into the concave of her husband's chest as they lay in bed.

"I'm going to kill that man if it's before eight." Blue eyes opened blearily, searching for the clock on the bedside table. It was Saturday, the designated sleep-in day at the Crane's residence; where no phone calls, emails, messages, or visitors were allowed to disturb the newlyweds before the extra two hours of sleep they get from their normal days. Blinking a few times, Jonathan squinted at the indistinct red numbers.

"It's six fifty-eight." The auburn haired woman snarled, untangling her legs from the disoriented brunette, before stalking downstairs to answer the door.

"Dear, I do believe that if you commit murder I will most likely be blamed."

"Not if I don't leave a trace."

"When he doesn't arrive at work there's going to be questions." By that point, the furious woman was too far away to hear her husband requests to come back to bed, who waited patiently for the explosion that was doomed to occur. He didn't have to wait long after he heard the door open.

"Hello Pammy! Oh you look absolutely ravishing with the tousled bed head look. Maybe I should give it a try?"

**Crack**

"PAMELA PUT THAT VINE DOWN RIGHT NOW! YOU'RE GOING TO KILL ME!"

**Crack**

"PAMLEA STOP!"

**Crack**

"JOHNNIE!"

**Crack**

"JONATHAN HELP ME!"

**Crack**

Crane sighed, rubbing the crystalized tears from his eyes, before beginning his trek to the chaos of below. There he was met with the sight of his wife attempting homicide. With a flower pot in one hand and a vine that was being used as a whip, Pamela had a maniacal gleam in her eye as she chased a terrified Edward around the room; occasionally cracking the houseplant at his posterior causing a slight squeal of fright. Jonathan sighed, before turning to head to the kitchen to make his cup of coffee, before sitting on the couch.

"Whenever you're done with your moment child, the coffee will be in the machine." Green eyes seemed to smile at the man as she gave him an approving nod, before throwing the dirt filled pot at her hyperactive target. Bull's-eye.

"THE HELL PAM? YOU THREW A FUCKING FLOWER POT AT ME!" The woman gave him a smug smile before going into the kitchen to make her coffee. Eddie scowled as he sat himself onto the recliner.

"Bitch." Jonathan glanced at his associate.

"She is technically my wife, Nashton." Pamela smiled, pecking her husband on his check as she joined him on the couch.

"Thank you dear." Edward glared at the two, before sighing. After a moment for the group to relax from the busier morning, the visitor nodded.

"You two have gotten better with your acting. You actually look like you give two shits about each other." The newlyweds rolled their eyes at the comment. "You're probably safe to start going out in public now."

"I'm hoping that you didn't wake us up just to tell us that."

"No, I'm also here to deliver this." He handed the both of them a brown envelope. "Jonnie, yours has all your paperwork and your class itinerary, you will begin teaching this Monday. Pam, yours is regarding a couple of swanky hoity-toity events that you need to decide on going to. You know…" He waggled his eyebrows. "After you two make yourself all official and stuff." Pamela smiled at his attempt to make her laugh, already forgiven him about waking her up.

"Looks like the boss pulled a lot of strings to get these options for banquets." Crane nodded.

"Likewise for the amount of classes. I doubt allowing me one class was an easy battle, six must have been quite a debate."

"Actually, it was the student's that pushed the board to decide." Eddie grinned. "Apparently your past history and your clear dislike of most of society has intrigued many of the students to believe that they could possibly be the ones to correctly identify and correct the insanity of Jonathan Crane. Between that and the fact you were quite legendary in the psychological world pre-Scarecrow." After a forethought, he added. "It doesn't help that you're an attractive man and a few of the female students believe that you just need a _Woman's Touch_ along with reasonable bit of alcohol in your system." Jonathan quirked a brow.

"I'm not sure what to address in your statements." Eddie laughed.

"I don't know where to start! So many future psychologists determined to make their first major failure of their careers. Though I'll admit, from your previous teaching reviews you're an absolutely brilliant teacher, they're going to learn a lot. But you're going to crush more than half of their spirits. And that's not even considering the female population that will commit suicide when they learn that the hot new professor is married to Professor Isley." Crane looked at his partner.

"You don't go by Crane or Isley-Crane?" Pamela shrugged.

"All of my work is under Isley. I'm going to have my personal and social life with Isley-Crane."

"Understandable."

"Unless you want to change your name to Isley?"

"I'm afraid I'm a little too traditional for that child." Pam's smile twitched as she tried to not laugh at Jon's word tick. He had a tendency of saying 'child' when talking lately. She figured he had picked it up from an inmate while he was Arkham, but hadn't figured out the best way of bringing it up. _'Maybe later.'_ She decided.

"So do you have a class curriculum planned out? Lectures, assignments, presentations, test…do you have a plan for all of this? It's a pretty demanding course to form." He shrugged.

"I had the school deliver my old syllabus and I've edited some things. Obviously I had to take out the fight or flight stimulus experiment; and I also revised some theories that have evolved since last time I taught. I've been going over them when you leave for work." Eddie nodded.

"Sounds like you're keeping up your side of the deal extremely well." Jonathan shrugged.

"That's what is expected, correct?"

"Of course." The two men looked extremely smug at the so far promising development of the partnership. Pamela rolled her eyes.

"Well if you two are going to preen at your accomplishments, I'm going to head to the mall and boutiques. I need a new dress."

"I'll come with you." Pamela and Edward stared at the tall man.

"**What?"** Jonathan shrugged.

"We have to go out in public, are we not?" Pamela nodded weakly.

"Yes, but…"

"But what? We have a mission to fulfill. Unless you're being coy?"

"No…"

"Then hush child, let's get going." Edward was practically beaming.

"About time you two got on the same page. Now, about the Batman at night…"

"**Hush Nigma."**

North Gotham Mall

"Is there honestly a difference in these dresses?" Pamela gave her husband a look, who retracted his statement. "Yes, I'm aware that they are different fabrics, colors, and styles. But they are visually all the same."

"And what do you mean by that?" Long fingers gestured at the line of dresses on the hangers.

"Strapless gowns dependent on your…assets…to stay up. Tight, thin material, I doubt you'd even manage proper undergarments underneath." He looked appalled at the thought and his wife's teasing expression. "Not to mention the colors. Black, red, gold; all vibrant and attracting colors."

"What's wrong with attractive colors?" Jonathan seemed exasperated, hand running through his hair. _A frustrated gesture. Unable to get the wording. Tip of tongue. Proper phrasing._ Pamela noted. "What do you not like about the colors and the styles? Other than their appropriateness?"

"They are not…attractive…to me." His wife blinked, clearly not understanding. "Honestly, I am a man of _intellect_, not of lust and fancy. What attracts me is elegance of sexuality, not the superficial means."

"Black is not elegant?"

"Usually, yes. However…it does not…"

"Hm?"

"It doesn't suit you, child." He snapped at her, clearly irritated at her consistent pressuring. "You are a horticultural biochemist, not a street walker. You are supposed to be at your position because of your intelligence, not because you resemble a pin up." After a moment of silent surprise, he uneasily added. "And black makes you seem paler. I'm already severely lacking in any form of melanin, we both do not need to seem like creatures from the times of Solomon Grundy." She giggled at his words.

"I never knew you paid so much attention to my skin, V, it's actually a little endearing." She turned and looked amongst the clothing racks. "Let's go to another store. You're right. These clothes are for purchased street walkers." The newlyweds walked around the mall, Pamela window shopping as Jonathan people watched, keeping a wary eye out for security. He doubted that news of his release from Arkham had reached civilians yet, most likely from expecting him to break protocol and revert back to Scarecrow. "V?"

"Yes Lily?"

"Let's go into that store." His eyes followed the pointed finger to a small but quaint boutique, easily unnoticeable as the crowds passed by without a glance. He appraised the place for a moment, before giving a nod, allowing himself to be led into the store. Inside were a few racks of dresses, a stand with jewelry, a rack of a few suits, and another stand with ties. By the fitting rooms there was a comfortable looking chair that was probably placed for the wary significant other forced to go shopping with a girlfriend or wife. Crane attempted to head that direction, but was pulled away by Pamela, who insisted that he helped her pick out 'flattering colors' for her skin. A couple of arguments and threats later, Jonathan was sulking on the chair, waiting for Pamela to start modeling.

"The point of me coming with you was to actually see the damn things actually _on_." A mumble was the response given back. "Speak up."

"I haven't decided which one I like the most."

"Show me and I will." He heard rustling behind the curtain. After a moment's pause, the auburn stepped out. Blue eyes immediately started critiquing the dress before nodding in approval. "That'll do, change and let's pay."

"You haven't seen the other one."

"The other one was a horrible color and would have done horribly with your eyes. Let's pay and leave." Pam huffed, going back to the fitting room.

"You're like my own gay friend who tells me when I look like crap and modifies my entire wardrobe on his fancy."

"Hush child." The Cranes paid for the dress and a matching tie, and then began to head to the parking lot. While they discussed which events they would be interested in going to.

"There is the Gotham Police Banquet."

"I doubt they would appreciate a criminal being there."

"In their eyes you're a _reformed_ criminal. You technically are the poster boy of what they're trying to do. A former criminal who now has a reputable day job, pays taxes, and various other civilian things."

"No." Pam sighed.

"I'm going to put that one to the side. There's the Gotham Traffic Funds Auction."

"Sounds promising."

"It's auctioning off people for dates." Pamela appraised her husband, holding his chin in her hand and turned his face side to side. "I could probably get a good price for you. You really do have elegant cheek bones dear."

"I'll gas you until you go comatose at the sight of a butterfly." She gave him a smug smile, letting her hand drop.

"The only other one that I'd allow my presence to be enjoyed in is the Bruce Wayne Charity Gala for the Orphans. Their home was demolished during Bane's anarchy business, so they're raising money to put them back in a livable environment."

"Where are they currently?" Crane really couldn't care less, but he had the feeling that they were being followed, so for appearance's sake, he let his wife ramble.

"The Wayne Estate; Mr. Wayne insisted that they stay with him until they had suitable residence. It's quite nice of him to do that for the children."

"Indeed. I don't think I could handle all of the responsibility."

"Well, I'm glad that there are some people who believe that it isn't a publicity scam." The Crane's spun around, Jonathan pushing Pamela behind him as he did so. There stood Gotham's Prince, Bruce Wayne, and his butler, who waited patiently for his master to finish socializing. "Jonathan Crane, I wasn't aware that you were released from Arkham." He let the statement ring questionably in the air. The psychologist gave a charming smile.

"I doubt they were planning to inform the public until my probationary period was over. However, I assure you that I have been released in all legal manners." Wayne nodded.

"I believe you; Gordon makes sure to send me a notification when criminals have escaped, so I can keep an eye out for my company." The billionaire noticed Pam, who stood patiently behind her husband; hand on the crook of his elbow. "And speaking of company, who is this lovely lady who occupies your arm?" Pamela smiled, holding out her hand.

"Pamela Isley-Crane."

"Bruce Wayne." He took hers, kissing it softly. "Isley-Crane? You're married?" Dark eyes rose questionably in smothering sex appeal. "To Crane?" Pamela took her hand back graciously, allowing Jonathan's arm to wrap around her waist, semi-protectively.

"Yes, I have to admit that I have a weakness for intelligent men. I just happened to get the luck of the draw with a bad boy and nerd wrapped up in one." A little teasing lit trickled out of the last sentence, causing both Pam and Wayne to laugh pleasantly at the joke, while Jonathan gave a good-natured smile, which his wife noticed was beginning to become strained at corners of his mouth. "However, as lovely as the talk has been, Mr. Wayne, my husband and I must be getting home. We have lunch plans with a friend and Jonathan must start getting his things together for his job." Wayne looked interestedly at Crane.

"Job?" Jonathan nodded, happy to have a conversation that he could control.

"I will begin teaching psychology at the university this following week. The board has already given its approval."

"Really? That seems like that's great news."

"It is. I can make my start to having a civilian life. I promised Lily that when we got married that the Scarecrow nonsense would end and we'd start a life together." Wayne nodded.

"That sounds like you two found love." The Cranes smiled, nodding. "Well I'll stop talking so you two can get on with your plans." He went to shake both of their hands. "I hope I'll see you two at the banquet? It would be nice to have an actual intelligent conversation with someone who is not after the company and isn't Alfred." He nodded towards his butler, who just gave him a dry look and responded in a contemptuous British accent.

"And what makes you think that I'm not after the company, Mr. Wayne?"

"Because you'd just give it to Lucius and just be done with it."

"Quite right sir, quite right." The billionaire looked at the Cranes.

"I hope you consider my offer. There will be many benefactors there who also donate to the university so it would probably be favorable for you to come." Jonathan nodded.

"We'll discuss it, but it seems to be most ideal." The group gave farewell smiles and separated. Crane waited until they were in the car for a few moments before releasing his tongue.

"So the options were a date auction and a police banquet?" Pamela rolled her eyes.

"We're going to Wayne's event. His connections would be the most beneficial for our goals."

"I'd have to socialize at his event. At least with the police they wouldn't talk to me while at the auction I'd just have to smile and flash my elegant cheekbones at the women."

"Who says your highest bidder would be a woman?"

"If it wasn't then wouldn't your accountability as an attractive married woman be at risk?"

"No, it just means that our marriage contains a great sense of humor which would win the vote with the younger and alternative views in Gotham." She shot him a smug glance. "Plus your sexuality wouldn't diminish my attractiveness. If anything that would make me seem more beautiful with my open mind and my continued loyalty to your choices. And you can't knock it if you haven't tried it." Crane blinked.

"Are you claiming that-?"

"Open mind, V. I keep an open mind." With that being said, the rest of the drive was silent as Pamela listened to the radio and Crane reflected on his day.

* * *

Well check me out; I touched all my base goals with this chapter. Had my Eddy banter, started to flesh out the "relationship/marriage" for Pamela and Crane, even introduced Wayne and had a little Alfred wit. I'm on a roll…no idea what I'm planning for the next chapter. I'm trying to do one story update at a time, so it'll be a little bit since I want to work on my Beyblade story now. But I have most of that typed out, so it shouldn't take that long, just depends on how long I end up typing.

On the "open mind" thing; okay, majority of Poison Ivy's character is written as an anti-vegetarian, man hating feminist who has a major lady-crush on Harley Quinn (therefore very much anti-Joker). But as I'm kind of editing characteristics for these characters (and that I doubt that I'm going to include the clowns in this story) instead of being a full out lesbian, Pamela is going to be bi-sexual minded. Meaning it's really not going to get much deeper than the above/previous dialogue unless Eddy starts making jokes. No I'm not anti-Lesbian or anti-Gay, I just know that this isn't really a relationship story so I'm not really going to get into all of that. Sorry to disappoint or upset some of you if you wanted that. It's going to take away from the general plot that's going in my brain.

But any-who, thanks for reading, review if you can! It really makes my day

Loves-emo-guys-with-hair


	4. Inebriated Swankyness

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the Batman's universe. This is only the product of me having an epic battle with a very stubborn plot bunny

* * *

_What plant becomes the name of a star by removing the first letter, becomes a number without the last letter and becomes a bird if the first and last letters are taken away?_

_-Riddle 7231_

"Well don't you look swanky?" Eddie grinned up the stairs. "I'm guessing it'll be too much to ask for a spin to see the all of the goods, right?" Crane glared down at the man, refusing to respond or move from his spot on top of the staircase. The British man continued to make his cat calls to his friend, while the newlywed continued to wait (impatiently) for his wife to finish getting ready. After ten minutes, Jonathan icily spoke to the general direction of their bathroom.

"Pamela, I doubt you are that hideous enough to require as much prepping as you're doing."

"I'm making myself presentable."

"You're making yourself look like a whore." The auburn haired woman poked her head around the corner.

"Snarky comments like that will make me redo my hair and makeup." The verbal discussion ended abruptly while she made her final touches. Shutting off the bathroom light, Pamela made her way over to her husband. "What's the rush? The longer I take, the less time you have to deal with Wayne."

"No, the longer you take, the more his guests have time with him, which means they get to leave earlier after the finish brownnosing."

"You're forgetting by that point both Wayne and his dates for the night will have consumed enough alcohol to want to finish up the event as quickly as possible." Crane considered the logic, before reaching over to his wife and smeared her lipstick with two of his fingers.

"You need to fix your war paint child." Pamela scowled at the man, ignoring the hysterical laughter downstairs.

"You're being unreasonable. Go to the car; Eddie, out." The men began to protest as they were kicked out of the building, before the door shut behind them. They glared at each other, Crane for being in a foul mood, Eddie for getting him kicked out. The latter after a while, started to chuckle.

"I can't believe you messed up her makeup."

"She had made a logical explanation on why she should take a while. The best way to respond was to act on it."

"You're never going to get laid in this marriage, but…its mind blowing how great this is." Before Crane could respond, Pamela opened the door and began walking to the car. Without turning around, she addressed the men.

"I'm going to get into this vehicle, and with or without you, I'm leaving. Goodbye Eddie." Jonathan shuffled to the car, while the British man began to wave.

"Have fun you two; don't do anything I wouldn't approve to or do." He had to take a couple steps back to avoid the shower of gravel that he was pretty sure that Pamela managed to aim at him.

"Oh that party is going to be chaotic with those two there."

Bruce Wayne Charity Gala for the Orphans

It was as lavish and rich as Jonathan feared it would be. And unfortunately, a good portion of the people attending had the misgivings of experiencing his fear gas first hand.

It seemed it would go downhill from there.

First, there were the whispers as they walked in. The Crane's had ignored them, believing it was because of Pamela's deep green dress, with the modest neckline. She had given her husband a look.

"Well darling, I guess you were right, the modest look grabs more attention than the daring approach."

"You're probably making the other women feel exposed." She smiled, grabbing two champagne glasses from the table, which was slowly emptying of people. Jonathan took one, gracefully inclining his head towards the groups of people. "Speaking of others, do you think that this gathering seems a little…off?" Green eyes scanned the crowds.

"Now that you mention it, they do seem a little…jumpy." They continued to drink their champagnes, keeping to themselves, with Crane berating his wife on the speed that she was finishing her drink.

Unfortunately, they didn't pay any more attention to the groups, which led to the quiet evacuation of the women and the elderly. By then, it was too late to attempt any form of diplomacy.

The police were called, while brave 'do-gooders' attempted to perform a citizen's arrest on Crane, as a few other men tried to pull Pamela away, believing she was a hostage.

_Really, like she would be a good hostage._ Crane thought critically, as he was being manhandled by an overly enthusiastic person. _I would choose someone who didn't have a backbone and didn't nitpick at every little thing._ He glanced at his wife, and saw she was biting her lip. Unfortunately, he wasn't sure if it was for worry about the situation or trying to avoid going into hysterics. It was probably a good thing that Edward didn't come. While he stood there, with the men surrounding 'subduing' him, Bruce Wayne finally made an appearance. One look around, and he immediately began to work on crowd control.

"I apologize to everyone about the events, I forgot to mention about our guest of honor.; the reformed Professor Jonathan Crane and his wife." The group took a while to process the information, before hastily stepping back, letting the billionaire through to Jonathan. "I'm sorry about that Mr. Crane. I hope they were not too rough?" Blue eyes barely gave the man a glance, as he held out a hand for his wife to take.

"I'm more concerned about how they treated Pamela."

"Ah, and where is Mrs. Crane?" Pamela appeared at her husband's side, waving away the men who had originally 'rescued' her.

"Here; hello Mr. Wayne. It's nice to see first-hand in how nice your guests are." She glanced back. "Although one seemed to have a wandering hand." Pamela smiled cheekily at her husband. "None really have your hand's grace though, darling." Crane gave his wife a twitching smirk, which Wayne took as an attempt not to laugh.

"Well I'm glad that no serious harm came to all of this; my sincere apologies for not arriving sooner." Jonathan shook his head.

"We were aware that something like this could happen. I am, after all, a former criminal that did serious crimes against many. This is something we are going to have to deal with until I am able to earn the trust of the general public again." He pulled Pamela closer to his side. "I just hope that in the future they'll leave my wife out of it." Wayne nodded.

"I hope so as well." He gestured to the higher level of the party. "Shall we take this conversation to a little more private location?" The Crane's followed their host to the more exclusive part of the gathering, where the people stayed in their social groups. "Would you two care for any drinks?" Jonathan nodded.

"The stronger the better." Wayne gave a boisterous laugh.

"I like how you think. Excuse me." He caught the attention of one of the servers, who stood in rapt attention at the sight of his boss. "Three glasses of my finest, thank you." Once the server flew away, nearly knocking his coworkers out of the way, the billionaire turned back to his guests. "I hope that the events from earlier didn't give you a bad first impressions of my gatherings. Usually it's significantly less dramatic." Pamela smiled at the man.

"But hopefully just as eventful?" Wayne gave her a flirtatious wink.

"I've never had a woman complain." Crane ignored them, as he accepted the drinks from the now sweating waiter, who practically shot away before he could be called back.

"Oh, trust me, I'm definitely not complaining."

"I've never had a woman wear such a stunning gown to my events either." She gave him what could only be described as a sultry smirk from across her half empty glass.

"I bet there's been a couple of things a woman hasn't done for you." Crane mumbled at his wife.

"Behave Pamela." He looked wearily at their host. "I'm sorry; she usually doesn't drink as much as she has. She's a bit of a light weight."

"Not what you said last night."

"That's enough dear." She broke out into giggles, which made Wayne grin and Jonathan to sigh. "I'm sorry Mr. Wayne, but I think that maybe it would be best for us to depart. She needs to sleep this off, and we need to get ready for my first day of work. We've been meaning to spend a day with one of her coworkers that I will be spending some time with. You know." He shrugged nonchalantly. "Since I'm not the best at meeting new people, we've decided that I should meet people in a neutral area, so I'm not as…how did you describe it, Lily?"

"Lost like a newborn turtle looking for the ocean in the Sahara."

"…That wasn't how you described it last time child."

"Doesn't mean it isn't true." She continued to giggle, exasperating her husband even more. "You practically flounder when you're in an unfamiliar habitat. It's like you would rather have your head bashed in than attempt to small talk."

"Thank you dear."

"You're welcome V." Wayne cleared his throat, smiling at the two's interactions with one each other.

"Shall I walk you to your car?" Jonathan shook his head.

"Not necessary. We won't keep you from your company any longer. I'm pretty sure you might have to explain my appearance to a couple of upset guests." While Pamela giggled, leaning heavily on her husband, the two men spoke a few more words, before Crane attempted to lead his now drunk wife back to their vehicle. After a while, an almost fall, and quite a few curse words, Jonathan just lifted his wife into a fireman's carry and brought her cackling to the car.

The Wayne Estate

"How were they, Bruce?" Former officer Blake asked, standing next to the billionaire.

"They were…not what I expected."

"As in?"

"Would you suspect a man who was honestly embarrassed of his wife getting a little too drunk at a formal event, and continually apologized for the incident from earlier?"

"No, I can't say I would."

"I wouldn't either…which is why I'm a little more wary about this. I wouldn't consider Jonathan Crane, a crazed criminal with knowledge of a deadly combination of chemistry and psychology, to be a man who is in a genuine relationship with a woman who is just as intelligent as he is, and it still remain healthy. There has to be a catch."

"Perhaps Master Wayne…" Both John and Bruce started at Alfred joining the conversation. "They might actually have a viable relationship, which they are trying to work out. Because I can promise you, those two acted like a newlywed couple who eloped against their parent's wishes."

"You might be on to something Alfred." The butler frowned.

"I don't believe that you are getting what I am saying…"

"No, I do. We need to look at both of their backgrounds. Maybe something from their parents might get us somewhere." The vigilante by night took off for his quarters, leaving the two other men on the balcony.

"I think you were right Alfred. I don't think he understood what he was saying."

"As long as you do, Master Blake…I appreciate that my words aren't just wasted and someone is actually paying mind to them."

"Should I inform the guests that he isn't at the party anymore?"

"No, let them enjoy themselves. He's slowly making appearances at his parties again. I wasn't expecting him to do so after Ms. Kyle; but I also think that his guests might behave a little more…properly with them believing he's amongst them." Alfred bowed slightly, taking his leave, letting the John be alone in his thoughts about the events of the day.

Crane Residence

The drive home was silent. Jonathan drove quickly and efficiently, his mood becoming darker and darker as they neared their destination. When they arrived, their lights in the living room were on, indicating that Eddie had let himself in. Before Crane could get one foot out of the car, Pamela had hopped out, and was already fiddling with her keys, mumbling how she couldn't see very well in the dark. The man stared at her for a moment, and right when he opened his mouth, she found the right key and went inside. He stood there for a couple of moments, before storming up the stairs. Inside, he walked in to Eddie chatting to Pamela, who was getting a glass of water from the kitchen. Jonathan was silent as he listened to his wife describe the party and the predicament that they ended up in. Then he raised his voice.

"What on earth was that Pamela?" She barely gave him a glance.

"What are you referring to Jon?"

"You making a complete fool out of the both of us! Flirting with another man in front of me, and then acting like you were completely inebriated!"

"How quickly did we leave after that?"

"As fast as I could carry you."

"And did Wayne try to force us to stay longer and chat, or did he leave us be?"

"…Are you saying you did that on purpose?"

"You didn't want to stay for idle chit chat."

"I was planning on leaving by explaining that we had to meet friends the next day and we needed to get enough sleep. I wasn't on planning on carrying you across the lawn while you giggled and sang Billy Idol on the top of your lungs."

"You know that song?"

"Just because I don't talk about it doesn't mean I don't listen to music."

"We should go to a concert."

"Pamela, stay focused." She sighed.

"Jon, I just insured with Wayne that we were definitely a couple by acting like a complete and utter fool, so you could appear like an embarrassed newlywed. Because of who he is, the police will request for him to fill out the form detailing your behavior at the party. And he's only going to be able to write positive things about you. You were polite and apologized for the uproar when we first arrived. When I started getting a little 'tipsy' you politely ignored it and tried to get me to behave myself. When I started to flirt with him, you cut me off in a way that didn't seem rude or controlling, apologized and tried to leave before anything else could happen. And with my offhand comments, you simply rolled with the punches until Mr. Wayne dismissed us." She winked at her husband. "And don't forget you being so romantically sweet that you picked me up so I wouldn't have to walk." Eddie started laughing.

"You swept her off her feet? Maybe I was wrong; you could get laid in this marriage after all!" The Cranes rolled their eyes at the comment. Jonathan sighed.

"Can you least inform me of your ridiculous plans a head of time, instead of blindsiding me?" She smirked, sauntering over to her husband.

"Would that be easier on you?"

"Yes."

"Would that be appreciated?"

"Yes." Green eyes looked directly in icy blue eyes.

"Then don't mess up my make up again." With Eddie laughing hysterically once again, Pamela turned around and flounced up the stairs, leaving her husband dumbstruck once again.

* * *

Goodness, that chapter was going in several different directions and I didn't know which path to follow. This chapter was a bit chaotic and unorganized (a bit humorous on Jon's part) If my plans go right, the next chapter should be Crane's first day back as a Professor. I have an idea about his classes' reaction to him (I'm thinking first potions class with Snape on the Sorcerer's/Philosopher's Stone) and maybe a little humor with some teacher's not understanding that its actually Isley-Crane. We'll see how it goes…I'll update once I work on and upload my next chapter for Trust

Shout Out to Cookie05, my loyal and only reviewer!

Loves-emo-guys-with-hair


End file.
